Thoughts on Raising Third Culture Children

Recently Trinity has wanted to play school with me. She pulls out the students (figurines from her Mickey Mouse Clubhouse), loads them in the car (a shoe box) and takes them to school (dining room table). I am the teacher.

Trinity talks to me in English as she loads the students into the car, but as soon as they enter my classroom, she switches to Spanish. "Hola, ¿cómo estás?" Mickey Mouse says.

The first time Mickey told me “hola” I was a bit taken aback. But the longer I thought about it, the more it made sense. We recently registered Trinity in school here - she'll start in August - and every time we've visited the school with her, we've spoken to the teachers and director in Spanish. No wonder she thinks everyone talks in Spanish inside school doors.

Over the last year, I’ve had glimpses like this – small scenes that remind me of what a different environment Trinity is growing up in than the one I experienced as a child. I lived in the Midwest until I turned 19; then I headed to Mexico (which is where I’ve been ever since). Trinity has spent her first three years in Mexico; God-willing, we will stay here for at least a few more.

By the time she goes back to the U.S., Trinity will have – at the very least – first memories that take place in Mexico. She’ll be bilingual, have a different perspective regarding wealth and poverty than many in the U.S., and will probably have some Mexican culture tendencies.

Trinity is on the path toward becoming a third culture kid, often called a TCK. Here's a common definition of the term: "a third culture kid is a person who has spent a significant part of his or her developmental years outside their parents’ culture."

For the last year or two, the idea of TCKs has often been on my mind. I worry about issues Trinity will face now and later on in life. The situation we’re in will result in unique pros and cons for my little girls.

Let’s look at a few of those, starting with the cons:

- Feeling like she doesn’t fit in when we visit the United States. When Mike and I go back, we tend to notice the things we loved when we lived there. For Trinity, everything is just different, and not familiar to her.

- Sticking out everywhere. Trinity is to the point where she understands comments made by others here (some of the common ones we hear: "wow she is so white!" "Look at those veins you can see on her forehead!" "Why is she so shy?"). I think this attention has actually increased Trinity’s tendency to crawl into a shell in public. Wherever we go, our family draws lots of attention and comments. The girls tend to get bombarded with questions from strangers, which often puts Trinity in tears and into my arms.

- Nowhere to call home. Trinity's fluent in Spanish but she will have to work harder to keep up with her native-speaking peers in school. She will head back to the U.S. and find that even though she doesn’t stick out as much up there in a physical sense, in an emotional and cultural sense she has a much different mindset.

Whoo, well, that’s some of the cons. Fortunately, I’m not one to dwell on the negative (when does it ever get you anywhere, right?). So without further ado, let’s move on to the pros:

- The world is much more global than it was 20 years ago. In fact, in 1984 sociologist Ted Ward predicted, "TCKs are the prototype citizens of the future." I think there's some truth behind that. Think of just a few of the things during the last decades that have revolutionized the way the world runs: computers, Internet, cell phones, global phones, airplane travel for the average consumer, companies expanding internationally, etc. There are even websites now for TCKs and plenty of other resources for them (an example: www.tckid.com).

- I came to Mexico fairly young and spent the latter part of my growing years here. I think that's helped me adapt and feel at home in Mexico, while still being able to appreciate the blessings that come with U.S. citizenship. Both Mike and I work to pass this mentality on to Trinity in our daily lives.

- Trinity travels back to the United States regularly, and has a close relationship with a Lutheran cousin she has there. I think having a friend up north helps her get a feel for what the U.S. is like and what kids do there.

Missionaries who have children that have successfully dealt with TCK issues and are now thriving back in the U.S. tell me that the key to helping your kids adjust – anywhere – is to have a positive, adventurous attitude as a parent. Kids pick up on that, and this positivity can be used toward dealing with any situation small (what? There’s no water today? Oh well, we’ll build a fun fort in the living room instead of showering) or large (why does the U.S. seem so strange compared to our home in Mexico? Let's focus on how we're never strangers in Jesus' eyes, and how our true home is in heaven with Him).

All of these thoughts have led me to believe two things: first, there are certainly challenges that Trinity (and eventually Noelle) will face.

But really, most days I look at her and think, "She's going to be just fine."